Honey Badger is Strange

This is fucking hilarious.  I can't stop watching it, but every time I do watch I can't help but think what the fuck is wrong with me?  I am 22 years old sitting in my house watching a mother fucking youtube video about a honey badger with a gay voice over.  And you know what, I don't give a shit, I'll laugh all by myself I don't care.

The most disturbing thing is not that this stupid video has almost 10,000 views, but that some man actually sat there and thought to record a voice over, put it with the video and then put it on youtube.  What??? Does he have a day job?  What type of person does this kind of shit? It's fucking strange.  Now I know once in a while I'll have this idea that I think is good, like when I wanted my eyebrow pierced, but I never go through with it.  Something in my brain stops me and says, hey this is pretty weird maybe think it over one more time.  Then I usually squash the idea.  But no, this gay man doesn't give a shit.  He is going through a mid-life crisis, shunned away in his parents' basement because they hate him and he can't find a partner to love him, he still uses his Elmo cup to drink chocolate milk out of, and talks to his best friend pet hamster, but he doesn't care he'll do voice overs all day.  He doesn't give a shit.  

Regardless, there are countless disturbing and just strange videos on youtube, and it blows my mind that there are people out there strange enough to record some of that shit.  We live on a weird mother fucking planet.

Writers Block is Strange

You know that time you had a really big paper to write, or a fucking good idea of a topic to write about, and you sat down but nothing could fucking come out of your head?

Well that is what we are experiencing here at Strange Shenanigans.
It's called mother fucking writers block, and it BLOWS.


We have tossed around multiple ideas of strange shit to write about, and fuck we have even written some posts and never published them.  Because our minds are fucking blocked.  It's like construction workers just climbed in our big brains and stopped the traffic that was previously flowing freely.

FACKKK.

And you know what, it is fucking strange.  Everyone gets writers block once in a while, usually when a paper is due in 2 hours and for some reason we can't get the words in our brains to sound good in writing.  Even the phrase is strange.  "writers block" no, actually I think it's god just fucking with us again.

So until the blog gods decide they want us to be funny again, we will be brainstorming, writing, and not posting until we are fucking funny.

Overly Nice People are Strange

Have you ever heard the expression, "Nice guys finish last"?  Yea?  Well it's because they fucking do.  And this goes for both sexes.  When's the last time you saw a super nice guy land the girl of his dreams or vise versa?  Probably never, and if by some crazy chance you have an exceptional story for me for this circumstance, it's more than likely bullshit.  The girl/guy was probably trying this weird phenomenon out only to realize in the end they want someone that's going to put them in their place.  You know, insult them a little, make them feel less than. 
Whether we, as girls, are willing to admit it or not, we like guys that are assholes.  Plain and simple.  Any girl that says, "I just want a nice guy to settle down with," is a blatant liar.  Who the fuck wants to date someone that will let you walk all over them and trample all over their heart?  That shit's boring as fuck.  I can't understand why anyone gives into the whole "nice" thing.  Do us all a favor and snap the fuck out of it, no one wants you to be an astoundingly nice person all the time because let's be honest, no one is actually that fucking nice.  As far as I'm concerned, someone who is nice all the time is a ticking time bomb about to Nagasaki all over your ass.
And girls that are overly nice are just as fucking annoying.  Grow a mother fucking back-bone and stand up for yourself.  If I am insulting you and saying how wrong you are, don't agree with me.  Tell me to fuck off and prove it or something I don't know.  No one likes the "nice person"  I'm not a fucking prick, but it's true.  Think about that person either in class, in your group of friends or at work, who is the nicest fucking clown that just tries to be loved.  Do you genuinely like that person?  Absolutely not.  Don't even lie to yourself, you know they are as annoying as trashy white people hanging out on street corners fighting with their baby mammas and ex bros and stuff.  Which speaking of, get a job, take care of your kids and get away from the fucking mini marts.
Anyways, nice people finish last for a reason.  Pull out your dick and piss on the world like everyone else is.  Join the party!

CLEO IS STRANGE!

3W MJJQUW3QQjhbhnnjmkhg

Love,
Cleopatra

Mom Haircuts are strange.

This little tid bit struck us as so odd the other day and I'm pretty sure we succeeded in carrying out a conversation for around ten whole minutes about it.  Mom haircuts... what the fuck.  First of all, my mom has a mom haircut so I'm not calling anyone's mom a douchebag or anything for having a mom haircut, I fucking love my mom.  Anyways, I just don't really understand why women reach a certain age and resort to cutting their hair to a dikey, butch sort of a thing.  As far as I'm concerned, I'm pretty sure throwing your hair in a ponytail is a hell of a lot easier than doing that weird half, fat curl thing you guys do and hairspraying the shit out of it.  I understand that it's all supposed to be about convenience and not wanting to fuck around with your hair when your kids are annoying the living hell out of you.  But hear me loud and clear, no one is going to hate on a ponytail.  If a ponytail portrays laziness on the mom's behalf, then whoever thinks this can go fuck themselves.  I mean, is long hair supposed to be given up at a certain age or something?  It sure as hell seems like it the way that mom haircuts are so prevalent these days.  It's like once these women reach a certain age they call up their friends like, "Fuckkk, it's mom haircut time girls.  I gotta cut my hair off today, society said so," at which point their friends are like "Yea, my mom haircut days are approaching quickly ughhh."    Let me add in that I'm aware some girls like their hair at a short length, but obviously that's not what I'm talking about so don't try that shit.  I'm talking about how so many women between the ages of 40- and on have the same general haircut.  I just want some fucking answers explaining this phenomenon.  Until that happens I'm forever boycotting the shit out of the mom haircut.  I will stand my ground!

PS- A big thanks to those who took their time out to leave nice little comments on the previous blog, nice and hateful.  Incase you haven't noticed, the blog is titled "Strange Shenanigans", it's not supposed to be of any importance or relevance.  It's merely us bitching about things we find funny.  You say blogging is not our thing as if you know a thing or two about it, but your repetitive insult of "dumb, ugly whores" hardly does you any justice.  Nice touch with the all-caps too, we were really shook with those frightening capitalized letters.  Thanks for obviously reading our stuff, however, and adding in your angry 2 cents as if we give a fuck.  If this is so bothersome to you, hop off our website. 

It's Strange How Obsessed You Are With Charlie Sheen

As everyone in the world knows, Charlie Sheen is off his fucking rocker, which is all cool and dandy and shit.  Now I haven't been paying too much attention to it, but basically he got famous and funny, did a bunch of drugs and lives with porn-stars he calls his angels, right?  Act like you wouldn't do the same exact shit if you were Charlie Sheen.  He is old and ugly and isn't gonna get much farther in life, so why not fuck everything up and get mass publicity.  I mean yeah he says some fucking funny shit and sounds like a complete jackass, which I guess makes all you assholes feel better about your insignificant and boring lives, but quit embellishing your vocabulary with Charlie Sheen's phrases.  Just because he can say "winning" and sound hilarious, doesn't mean you can! You are most definitely losing because you can't come up with your own one-liners, and also because your a huge douche trying to be a rock star, and epically failing.

I was most disappointed when I saw this on TMZ's website...

(TMZ) Sources at South Shore Tattoo in Amityville tell TMZ -- the artist responsible is a guy named Mike Nomy ... who implanted the tiger ink inside an unidentified customer on Wednesday.

WHAT THE FUCK????  Sometimes you just have to step back, think about what the fuck you are about to do, maybe ask some opinions of others, and stop.  Just stop.  You are a giant fucking loser with no life, probably no girlfriend and apparently no standards. Good luck digging yourself out of the enormous hole you just put yourself in by getting a fucking tattoo like that.  Congratulations, you win the award for most pathetic person in the entire world...more pathetic than Charlie Sheen, more pathetic than the china man in the previous post, and more pathetic than Lindsay Lohan and Brittney Spears.  All in all, you blow more chunks than 17 year old bulimic hollywood stars.

If you find yourself trying to use "winning" in real life, just go cry yourself to sleep because you are lamer than the dudes that go tanning and wear Affliction.  

Charlie Sheen, you my friend can rock on.

China Men Are Strange!

And this is exactly why I think china men are so fucking strange!  I'm sure he's a real babe magnet over in whatever fucked up town he lives in.

Foot Fetishes= Straaaaaange.

I just don't get it nor will I ever want to understand what it is that draws people into foot fetishes.  Ew, mother fucker.  People's feet are disgusting.  A friend of mine went to a hair academy and had to learn a segment on pedicures, which led to countless stories about the horrors of people's feet.  There is just an entire array of things that can go wrong with your feet such as blisters, ingrown toenails, bunions, and I'll just stop there so I don't make you vom in your mouth.  I feel bad getting pedicures by licensed professionals simply doing their job and my feet are beautiful, obviously.  But for some people to suck on toes and shit, you my friend, need to quit it.  You're begging for a foreign disease and your morals are pretty jacked up if you want to put someone's smelly ass toes in your mouth.  People walk around all fucking day on those things, enveloped in socks and worn shoes that probably consumed sweat a time or two; OR even worse, they're walking around their house barefoot collecting dirt and dust and other gross particles along the way.  And people think it's okay to just let that shit marinade in their own mouth??? That, to me, is appalling.  Find a new fetish to get caught up in freaks, because I'm pretty sure I speak for a lot of people (females mainly) when I say if a guy tried to grab my foot and put that shit in his mouth I'd kick him straight in the shnoz and not think twice about it.  Then, I might even mortal combat kick his face so that he got the point.
While I'm at it, has anyone ever seen the show Strange Addictions?  Toilet paper eating?  Body building shemales? Glass swallowing?   Yea, I'd say you guys are pretty fucking strange too.  To tell me and all the other viewers that you eat half a roll of toilet paper a day because you like the way "it sort of melts in your mouth" is preposterous.  So does cotton candy, trick.  Everyone knows that so eat something that tastes good and melts in your mouth, for the love of God save us from cringing at you.  Toilet paper is for asses not for consumption. 
I tell you some humanbeings just gross me the fuck out.  Why they are putting these disgusting shenanigans on TV is beyond me but I get it that Americans love the shit out of taboo-ness.  Either way, I think they all need to find a new hobby.  Knitting is cool I guess, go knit a nice sweater.  But for fuck's sake keep the toes out of your grill it's just wrong. 

SF Is Way Strange

While adventuring to San Francisco we came across some super strange fucking people, places, foods and events.  Watch and be shocked.

So this occurred on valentines day.  Yes, I think its a dumb holiday, but hey for those in happy fucking relationships it works out pretty well.  Now for these poor souls who are clearly bitter and sexually frustrated, they choose to beat the shit out of each other with pillows.  This was, by far, the biggest pillow fight I have ever seen.  I was completely bewildered.  I mean they obviously don't have dates that night, and honestly I don't think rocking people with pillows is exactly the way to go to find a date.  Maybe a couple people found each other and hooked up out of pity for one other.  In that case, you go get you some, pity or not.  Sock on!

cigs were $7 there!

MTV is not only strange, it's whack.

Let's just start with the obvious. MTV= Music Television.  Thanks for all the music you fucking posers, last time I checked, playing 10 seconds of a song in between shows doesn't count.  I understand that reality shows have pretty much avalanched the mainstream popularity of television these days, but your name is Music fucking Television.  You're a liar MTV, you're blatantly shitting on everyone who looks to listen to some music on your channel.  I hope this little tid bit haunts your dreams.
Second of all, what is this shit they're playing instead of music?  I'll tell you exactly what it is in a nutshell.  A giant fucking clusterfuck of wasted fake italians who are too consumed in their chauchbag egos to catch a glimpse of reality, a bunch of trashy imbecile teenage girls making a mockery of motherhood, half reality shows where people are acting like they're on a reality show but they're not? (shut up Liz), fat people who get skinny, crazy fucking people forced to live in a house together who do nothing but party, fight and bang (thats not actually the REAL world!) a bunch of douchebags doing lame shit in a library that's not remotely humorous and trying to be quiet, some fucking low-life loser high schoolers who want to be "prom queen" but are actually just dykes starving for attention, a bizarre bunch of teenagers who all bone each other and smoke "skins", and all in all a big ball of horseshit.  Sorry I couldn't fit all of that ridiculous nonsense into a nutshell because the shell's nuts would be busted open with all of the irrelevance bombarding from its asscrack. 
And how exactly do they pick the dipshits who get to star in these crackpot tv shows and make millions?  MTV, you my friend are part of the reason there are so many fucking idiots in this world with little to no standards, and the reason teenagers go whoreing themselves around so maybe they can get a tiny bit of attention from some scumbag they find on the street.  I would love to know how a producer of any of these outlandish shows gets sleep at night.  Or does your lack of conscience tell you every thing all right? (all time low reference--if you don't know them you might if music was actually played!)
What the real issue here is that America is fixated on these tv shows to try to amend their tremendously boring lives by living vicariously through idiotic num-nuts who get paid to seemingly destroy morals.  Everything about this is wrong.  Fuck you Americans with nothing better to do! Go get a hobby that involves using your brain and shit instead of letting it whither inside of your skull. skull-brain.
What happened to TRL?  I definitely totally requested some shit and I was psyched when I saw it on my own television screen.  And what do you know?  It involved the playing of music! Real live performances and everything.  As far as I'm concerned that's what music television is all about, and it was still half-assing the entire idea of playing music on MTV.  The shows they are playing now are too mind-bogglingly demetented for me to come to terms with.  How they are still on air I will never understand nor will I ever know how someone can waste money on producing shows that are so fucking stupid.  Boycotting the entire channel altogether is the next step in my fury, or I very well may be driven to cancel my cable as a whole and live peacefully.
Thank God for the Discovery channel and Animal Planet otherwise I, without a doubt, would have lost my marbles by now.

First step of boycotting MTV is smoking cigs instead of watching tv.

Edumacation is Strange

College is supposed to be a bunch of worthless fucking classes where all we have to do is show up sometimes and do the homework, right?  That's what I thought.  Turns out my professors have a little different idea about things, unfortunately.

First off- Why must we introduce ourselves to the entire classroom and tell everyone our major. No one fucking cares, and I most likely will not speak a word to more than 3 of my classmates.  I don't give a flying fuck what the most interesting fact is about everyone.  We are all the same, no one is remotely interesting, and if by chance I have something interesting to say it probably is not classroom appropriate.  So teachers, for the love of god, stop making me stand up and ramble on about my insanely average self.  I hate, and so does everyone else fucking listening to me.  Unless you are a super conceited douche and think your the coolest mother fucker to roam the planet, you probably love the attenion..whore.

Second point- Everyone knows the first day of class you pick a seat, and you stay there.  Especially by the time you're in your fourth year of college.  You hopefully sit next to a cool dude and make friends to cheat off of.  But when you walk in to class, and your seat is taken, what the fuck?  All I want to say is, what the fuck bitch, get out of my seat you look like a pumpkin!  It's like an unwritten code, don't take my seat.  

Pop quizzes?  What am I 10 years old?  Just fucking tell me what to study so that I excel in your class instead of cursing your name under my breath every other day and counting down the days 'till I can blow you up on the teacher evaluation.  Trust me that I will write with every ounce of desperation in my body to whom ever may be listening that you fucking blow because you give pop quizzes and downright ruin my day.  Don't you hear the undertone of the class just fucking sigh when the words 'pop quiz' escape your mouth?  Get off your high horse with your little surprise quizzes, they make me want to vom all over the piece of paper and turn it into you.  

Another thing that really just irritates me is when a teacher decides they want me to "participate" and therefore calls on me when my hand is not even raised.  No, I don't want to answer the fucking question actually.  I am 21 years old, and for fucks sake I don't need you to make me participate when I don't want to.  Take points off my participation grade if you want, I couldn't care less.   

What's even worse is when they tell you to participate with OTHER PEOPLE.  In case you haven't noticed, I don't take class with all of my best friends because my major is pretty lame and only correlates to what I'm interested in.  Therefore,  I'd much rather sit here with a pisspants look on my face, and be as anti-social as humanly possible.  I'm not here to make friends people, I'm here to make you shut the fuck up about attending class and get these credits out of my hair so I can graduate and throw up a big middle finger to the entire ideal of education.  I go to school because it's what you're supposed to do in regards to what is socially acceptable, not because I actually like to learn.  Fuck learning.  I learned everything I need to know in high school-- drinking is cool and get good grades so your parents can't bitch at you for anything.  Reading and writing was out the door about ten years ago so college, you're pretty much a big fat waste of money.  Stop making me force myself to be nice to these people around me who probably don't want to waste their breath on me either.  It's irritating, and if only I withheld the precision to dart my pencil strait into the retina of your eye to suppress my anger, you better believe I would Professor whatever-the-fuck-your-name-is.  

Your class is the reason I'm frowned upon as the person who lights a cigarette as soon as I step foot out the door.  Yet, I have no shame.  

Babies Are Strange

In the spirit of Teen Mom's new season, and the fact that none of us are pregnant, we would like to celebrate the strangeness of babies.  These are some strange mother fucking tiny humans.  I mean lets just start with the very beginning.  One little micro spermy meets a hot mini egg, have a quick bone sesh and combine to make a breathing creature.  WHAT?  How does that even happen?  Not only does it continue to grow in a chicks belly, but it causes this chick to get huge and appear to be carrying a watermelon under her shirt 25/7.  When this creature decides it wants to see the light, it comes out of where the sun don't shine, and says to the world "I'm heeeeere" by screaming and crying in the most obnoxious manner.  I mean, why don't babies come out laughing and giggling, because that's the reason we really love them anyways, right?  And then to make it happy, we feed it some shit from a bottle, and it already knows how to swallow it.  If you think about it, babies are fucking geniuses.  How do they know how to cry, laugh, eat, and flail around when they are just born?  Strange!
Ah yes, but it doesn't stop there my friends, no sirree. They enter the world in a wild fashion and then continue to stroll around the world in a stroller, which is fucking awesome, and just... observe. All they do is look around and see everything because when you're a baby you're allowed to have a staring problem.  They probably have so many thoughts dancing around in their little bald heads but they have no way of expressing them.  Then, they mature a little and start blurring one big blob of a word, although it is incomprehensible, as if to tell you something.  But what do you think they're trying to say, and more importantly, what do THEY think they're saying?  It's like one fatass ball of confusion and mystery because no one will ever know.  Out of nowhere, they start saying actual words and walking?  Like how in the fuck do they know what they're doing and how do they know it's socially acceptable?  Their brains don't actually know shit at this point, so how do they just automatically start doing what they're supposed to? This is absolutely mind-boggling.
Now, because we are all humans and have a heart beat, babies can make us light up as soon as we hear them giggle or do some other ridiculously cute thing.  If you have some extra time, and a baby to hang out with, just sit in a room with it and watch as every single person that walks in the room immediately says "awweee how cute! hi little babyyy hiii!"  The grumpiest person can see a happy baby, and all the sudden their problems disappear.  This is all good and well, but the issue I have is why do we constantly talk to babies when we know they can't talk back yet?  I see it everywhere I go.  "Aw little joey do you like your toy?  Is that mushy green stuff good? Yummm, do you want more? Say hi to Elmo!"  Bitch, you know your two month old can not understand the words coming out of your mouth, let alone has the intelligence to actually answer you in English.  I promise you, that baby will not answer, no matter how many times you ask him if he wants his blanky.
All in all, babies are some strange, yet interesting, little miracles that are pretty fantastic as long as they aren't mine ya dig?  Cig time because I still cannn!

Strange Seasonal Depresh.

Have you ever noticed how once all of the leaves have fallen from the trees and that cruel coldness sets in, the overall mood of everyone just.. changes?  Your tan has faded, leaving your skin with a sad, pastey hue unless you're a lucky SOB who has some beautiful ethnic DNA in their gene pool and is blessed with never-ending golden skin-- I say to you, I envy you, but go fuck yourself.  Mother Nature turns into a fugly biotch considering everything is brown and dead.  The snow is pretty but it's also fucking freezing and unless you're someone with an undying love for snow sports (aka you're actually good at them) the snow is just another reason to get pissed off.  Everyone drives like they've either got their temps or they're 99 years old, and inevitably fuck up their cars.  Plans get messed up because everyone in town is flipping their shit about the snow and blowing the entire situation out of proportion by viscously rading the grocery stores and staying imprisoned in their homes.  This, my friends, is seasonal affective disorder, which abbreviated (thank you Dr. Vollman) is SAD.  Point. Proven.

Take notice next time you courageously escape the boundaries of your home every person's face that you pass.  It portrays nothing but pure and utter misery.  Either that, or you don't actually see their face because it's hidden behind layers of clothing to suppress the arctic wind.  It's true.  Every day I can't help but notice behind tear-filled eyes, due to the sting of the wind, the hatred and/or sadness on everyone's face on campus.    And whether you're willing to admit it or not, you sometimes find yourself saying "Oh my GOD!" out loud at how terribly cold it is, and then proceeding to curse the weather inside your head, throwing in a few "fuck this"'s here and there.  No matter how melodramatic it seems, I often find myself wanting to just give up on life.  To simply stop in my tracks, collapse on the ground and just let the good Lord take me because I cannot go on with the coldness any longer.  When the wind is smacking you in the face repeatedly on your nice little stroll, the thought enters my mind no matter what.  It may only las a few seconds, but it never fails to cross my mind.  Then, you kind of realize you're being a pussy and you probably undressed, and gloriously keep on truckin'.

The sad part is, you can't even really call it glorious upon arriving to your destination because once you get there you're still not happy.  It's not like instant happiness overtakes your body and soul, no.  You still waltz in, throw your shit down, and immediately start complaining to whoever will listen about how angry the weather just made you and how fucking cold it is outside.  It never fails, seasonal depression is everywhere and in everybody whether you decide to advertise it or not.  I mean think about it.  You wake up in the morning, you already know it's cold out so you don't have a beautiful day to look forward to.  If Mr. Sunshine ever decides to make an appearance, which is rare, that's pretty cool but can sometimes be misleading.  You almost get mad at the sun too.  Yea, you're brightening my life right now but you're not making me any fucking warmer.  You're just reminding me that summer is still half a year away and you just popped in to say hi and then disappear for another month or two so fuck you sun!  There's no animals outside besides birds, but of course they're not even singing because they're too cold.  The squirrels hardly even come out!  Your house is probably still pretty cold because no one feels like paying an assload of money on their heating bill.  People get fatter because they don't do anything besides bitch and eat.

It just strikes me as such an odd phenomenon.  For a straight 3, give or take, months everyone in cold atmospheres are, for the most part, miserable.  I'm pretty sure a lot of people agree with me that the only great thing about winter is you can get out of a lot of obligations because of snow.  You can blame a lot of shit on snow and people just don't ask questions, they just accept it.  Other than that, whether this is horrible or not, I'm on team Global Warming all the way.  I like warm, warm everything.  Next time you want to complain in the summer about it being too hot, think about this day.  Think about how much you despise everything right now, and then expect to be socked square in the face.. by me.

Until beautiful spring time rolls around, feel free to bitch up a storm you seasonal depressed mother fuckers, because you know everybody else is.  Ain't no shame in it anymore.  Until then, cig time-- out the window of course.