Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Foot Fetishes= Straaaaaange.

I just don't get it nor will I ever want to understand what it is that draws people into foot fetishes.  Ew, mother fucker.  People's feet are disgusting.  A friend of mine went to a hair academy and had to learn a segment on pedicures, which led to countless stories about the horrors of people's feet.  There is just an entire array of things that can go wrong with your feet such as blisters, ingrown toenails, bunions, and I'll just stop there so I don't make you vom in your mouth.  I feel bad getting pedicures by licensed professionals simply doing their job and my feet are beautiful, obviously.  But for some people to suck on toes and shit, you my friend, need to quit it.  You're begging for a foreign disease and your morals are pretty jacked up if you want to put someone's smelly ass toes in your mouth.  People walk around all fucking day on those things, enveloped in socks and worn shoes that probably consumed sweat a time or two; OR even worse, they're walking around their house barefoot collecting dirt and dust and other gross particles along the way.  And people think it's okay to just let that shit marinade in their own mouth??? That, to me, is appalling.  Find a new fetish to get caught up in freaks, because I'm pretty sure I speak for a lot of people (females mainly) when I say if a guy tried to grab my foot and put that shit in his mouth I'd kick him straight in the shnoz and not think twice about it.  Then, I might even mortal combat kick his face so that he got the point.
While I'm at it, has anyone ever seen the show Strange Addictions?  Toilet paper eating?  Body building shemales? Glass swallowing?   Yea, I'd say you guys are pretty fucking strange too.  To tell me and all the other viewers that you eat half a roll of toilet paper a day because you like the way "it sort of melts in your mouth" is preposterous.  So does cotton candy, trick.  Everyone knows that so eat something that tastes good and melts in your mouth, for the love of God save us from cringing at you.  Toilet paper is for asses not for consumption. 
I tell you some humanbeings just gross me the fuck out.  Why they are putting these disgusting shenanigans on TV is beyond me but I get it that Americans love the shit out of taboo-ness.  Either way, I think they all need to find a new hobby.  Knitting is cool I guess, go knit a nice sweater.  But for fuck's sake keep the toes out of your grill it's just wrong. 

SF Is Way Strange

While adventuring to San Francisco we came across some super strange fucking people, places, foods and events.  Watch and be shocked.

So this occurred on valentines day.  Yes, I think its a dumb holiday, but hey for those in happy fucking relationships it works out pretty well.  Now for these poor souls who are clearly bitter and sexually frustrated, they choose to beat the shit out of each other with pillows.  This was, by far, the biggest pillow fight I have ever seen.  I was completely bewildered.  I mean they obviously don't have dates that night, and honestly I don't think rocking people with pillows is exactly the way to go to find a date.  Maybe a couple people found each other and hooked up out of pity for one other.  In that case, you go get you some, pity or not.  Sock on!
cigs were $7 there!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

MTV is not only strange, it's whack.

Let's just start with the obvious. MTV= Music Television.  Thanks for all the music you fucking posers, last time I checked, playing 10 seconds of a song in between shows doesn't count.  I understand that reality shows have pretty much avalanched the mainstream popularity of television these days, but your name is Music fucking Television.  You're a liar MTV, you're blatantly shitting on everyone who looks to listen to some music on your channel.  I hope this little tid bit haunts your dreams.
Second of all, what is this shit they're playing instead of music?  I'll tell you exactly what it is in a nutshell.  A giant fucking clusterfuck of wasted fake italians who are too consumed in their chauchbag egos to catch a glimpse of reality, a bunch of trashy imbecile teenage girls making a mockery of motherhood, half reality shows where people are acting like they're on a reality show but they're not? (shut up Liz), fat people who get skinny, crazy fucking people forced to live in a house together who do nothing but party, fight and bang (thats not actually the REAL world!) a bunch of douchebags doing lame shit in a library that's not remotely humorous and trying to be quiet, some fucking low-life loser high schoolers who want to be "prom queen" but are actually just dykes starving for attention, a bizarre bunch of teenagers who all bone each other and smoke "skins", and all in all a big ball of horseshit.  Sorry I couldn't fit all of that ridiculous nonsense into a nutshell because the shell's nuts would be busted open with all of the irrelevance bombarding from its asscrack. 
And how exactly do they pick the dipshits who get to star in these crackpot tv shows and make millions?  MTV, you my friend are part of the reason there are so many fucking idiots in this world with little to no standards, and the reason teenagers go whoreing themselves around so maybe they can get a tiny bit of attention from some scumbag they find on the street.  I would love to know how a producer of any of these outlandish shows gets sleep at night.  Or does your lack of conscience tell you every thing all right? (all time low reference--if you don't know them you might if music was actually played!)
What the real issue here is that America is fixated on these tv shows to try to amend their tremendously boring lives by living vicariously through idiotic num-nuts who get paid to seemingly destroy morals.  Everything about this is wrong.  Fuck you Americans with nothing better to do! Go get a hobby that involves using your brain and shit instead of letting it whither inside of your skull. skull-brain.
What happened to TRL?  I definitely totally requested some shit and I was psyched when I saw it on my own television screen.  And what do you know?  It involved the playing of music! Real live performances and everything.  As far as I'm concerned that's what music television is all about, and it was still half-assing the entire idea of playing music on MTV.  The shows they are playing now are too mind-bogglingly demetented for me to come to terms with.  How they are still on air I will never understand nor will I ever know how someone can waste money on producing shows that are so fucking stupid.  Boycotting the entire channel altogether is the next step in my fury, or I very well may be driven to cancel my cable as a whole and live peacefully.
Thank God for the Discovery channel and Animal Planet otherwise I, without a doubt, would have lost my marbles by now.

First step of boycotting MTV is smoking cigs instead of watching tv.