Lingerers Are Weird

Lingerers: Those silly mother fuckers that feel the need to stick around someone else's house, when they're clearly unaware of the fact that the residents of the household don't actually want you there longer than necessary.  That's my definition, so if you don't like it then suck a fatty.  If you have to think to yourself, I wonder if these people care that I'm at their house, the answer is yes.  They care and they're probably wondering why the fuck you are still sitting there, but take note, they will never say anything out of the sake of being polite.  However, if you feel this way, take this simple advice: Get up and go the fuck home.

Before you get your panties in a bunch, let me elaborate.  We love having guests.  We're a college house comprised of social butterflies, so come on over whenever it is that you'd like, let's hang out and stuff.  However, if we make an executive decision to watch a chick flick on a hungover afternoon, and you want to sit in the same room and rip on everything that seems remotely ridiculous in every scene.  Get out, your opinion sucks and I hate you.  If you bummed one of my final few cigs the night before, and your still at my house in the morning, don't you DARE ask to bum another cig from me.  I probably gave you one last night to get you to shut the fuck up, however this morning I am in an extremely different mood.  I obviously need the cigs I have left, seeing as I am not in any shape to go to the store to get more.  You can linger while we smoke the morning cig, as long as you have your own.  But then it's time to go.

Now I am sure plenty of you have had unexpected guests come home after a night that was creepy and weird, and in the morning you have that feeling in your stomach that tells you that the day will be consisting of hanging out over the porcelain gods.  If that isn't bad enough, you then realize your terrible mistake from the night before is still, for some un-fucking-known reason, in your bed.  This is when the trouble really starts.  You think, maybe if I leave the room and make some noise they will wake up and leave, so you bang in to everything you see on your way out.  You mosey around the house to find who else is up, and who else is trying to get someone out of their bed.  After some time goes by and you notice that no one has left the house yet, you back in there.  All you want to do right now is dump water on this creep's head and get him/her the fuck out of there.  But because you're being the considerate one, you wait a little longer.  For those of you who are slightly embarrassed right now because you're remembering a time when you stayed a little too long,  you should be.  Get the fuck out of my bed, my room, my house and my life.  The only exception is if I actually like you.  Then stick around, duh!

The moral of the story is, you will know if you are wanted around.  Most of the time we whine like small children if you are trying to leave and we want you to stay, sometimes even cry (cough, you know who you are).  If you're unsure, exit immediately.  Smoke your cigs once you walk out the door, we'll wave from the balcony.