We all have those "oh shit" moments while driving, when maybe we ran a red light or accidentally cut someone off. Every once in a while we catch ourselves reading something insanely funny on our phones, rocking out to our most favorite embarrassing songs, stuffing our faces with fatty drive-thru foods, or digging for gold in a daze. Reckless driving is as real as herpes. But all too often I find myself surrounded by plain old shitty drivers.
Case in point- mini van. Just typing those words makes my skin crawl. I mean, I'll be driving along driving along, and all the sudden a fucking mini van comes out of nowhere. Instantly I think, or more often yell FUCK out loud. It's the same idea as when I see a spider. Immediate damper on my mood for at least the next 5 minutes. First off soccer mom, I do not give 2 shits if your child is an honor student. Everyone's an honor student in elementary school. My retard neighbor is an honor student. I get it, you love your child and your sooo proud, but the world does not care. Thats why there are magnets and refrigerators. I also don't care if there is a baby on board. Maybe if you didn't drive 10 under I wouldn't be riding your ass. Not only do I hate mini vans because of how horrible the driving is, but I have painful memories of being that kid in the mini van. Don't get me wrong, getting a captain seat was always a victory in itself, but the time endured in that captain seat was often too much to bare. Sandy Reed, I love you, but jesus peddle to the metal please! It should not take 25 minutes to drive me home from any given destination. I know your trying to be careful, but when a 12 year old knows it is taking entirely way to long to get from point A to point B, I think it's time to pick up the pace. We all know the feeling when a mini van is suddenly in front of us, clogging up the fast lane or stopping for a solid 8 seconds at a stop sign, so I sincerely say to all those moms, get off the road! And if you're a man driving a mini van....... uhhh I am at a loss of words other than where have your testicles gone?
And speaking of clogging up fast lanes, does everyone know what the term "fast" means? For all you fucktards out there, fast means- speedy, quick, not slow. aka at least 10 over the speed limit. Just because you and your rich self drive an escalade (even though you probably live in a dump) does not mean you can drive slow in the fast lane whenever you please. Get out of my way and quit being so damn flashy. I know those things can haul ass, so go ahead--show off what ya got and live a little!
If you can't tell already, I like to drive fast, but once you start swerving all over the damn place and cutting me off that just irks me. 1. I am driving just as fast as the guy in front of me, so take a deep breath and stay in line. 2. There are turn signals for a reason, use them. Before you cut me off, at least give me a warning. Before you take a 5 minute turn, warn me so I can go around. Also if you don't use it, don't get all piss pants when I mack in to your car. 3. People have babies on board, can't you read?! But really, it's just not worth it to try to pass everyone during rush hour. It won't work and your probably just going to cause an accident that will make everyone else very pissed off.
This just touches some things that piss me off while driving, I wouldn't want to bore you all about those people that make me miss green lights, grandma and grandpa drivers, or obnoxiously loud exhaust pipes. If you ever find yourself driving like the maniacs described, please check yourself and quit being a tool. Just drive, quit being a fucking idiot.
Until next time kids, I think I need a cig.
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